Awkwardly Annulled

Fifteen years after my divorce, I received a letter from the Archdiocese informing me that my ex-husband, who might I add had been Baptist his entire 45 years, was seeking to have our 11 years together annulled, because he apparently would like his current marraige recognized by the catholic church.

Fine by me. .. An annulment from the Catholic Church has absolutely no bearing on my life. If it brings someone peace, closure, or simply checks a box, I genuinely don't care. What I do care about is being cast as the villain in someone else's rewritten history.

The first explanation I received was that my ex allegedly entered the marriage "not of sound mind."

That one made me pause. Not because it offended me, but because... which one of us was truly not of sound mind? Personally , I have never claimed to be, and pointless to act like that would be the first time i’d heard of this.

But This was a marriage that wasn't rushed. We dated. got engaged. attended premarital counseling in a church. postponed the wedding (too immature) by 2 years, and at his urging, we married in a Christian ceremony on the banks of the san antonio river. Lets also throw3 in that an ordained minister (his dad) performed the ceremony, and my dad, and ordained minister, gave me away.

So if that qualifies as "not of sound mind”…I have questions.

my response to the tribunal made it clear that I wasn't opposing the annulment. I simply wasn't going to shutup while someone rewrote history. If they wanted testimony, they were going to get the truth, not a screenplay with convenient plot twists.

Apparently, the first storyline didn't hold up, because after talking with me , they probably realized it was me not him.

The next “go at it” was that i did not intend to remain faithful or in laymen’s terms… be a serial cheater. .. now it’s getting interesting.

wasn't mentally capable of consenting, to, "She planned to spend the marriage cheating."

quite an evolution of storyline… I've heard of moving the goalposts, but this was moving the whole damn stadium.

Again, I let them know I wasn’t opposed, but I would not be supporting character in a fictional story created to make everyone else's conscience more comfortable. I even spoke with a nun, who seemed interested in hearing my side. She said she wanted to continue our conversation. Then... silence.

on wednesday, i received a call from said sister letting me know the marriage had officially been annulled, based on his “lack of sound mind.” I have to admit... reflecting on conversatoins over the years, my first thought was, “they're not exactly leading wit their weakest argument."

My response? "Okay… thank you for letting me know, and wow sister, the catholic church must really be hurting for members. You have a blessed one.”

Because here's the thing: a panel of sinners decision doesn't change what happened, doesn't erase 8 years of marriage, doesn't erase vows made before God, doesn't rewrite memories, responsibilities, failures, successes, or the life we actually lived. declaring a marriage invalid on paper. does not change history.

What struck me most throughout this process wasn't the annulment itself. It was the remarkable confidence with which an institution assumes it possesses exclusive authority to define the legitimacy of a covenant between two people and God.

There's something fascinating about people who have voluntarily vowed never to marry deciding whether someone else's marriage was "real enough."

It's like asking lifelong vegetarians to judge a BBQ competition, Or asking someone who's never driven a car to determine whether your wreck was caused by not being emotionally committed to the steering wheel.

The irony isn't lost on me… For an institution that teaches humility, there seems to be an impressive amount of certainty about matters of the human heart.

We spend our lives being told that only God truly knows the heart, but then are told it’s not valid because the ceremony didn't occur inside the right building, under the right roof, or right religion..

Faith doesn't become authentic because someone stamped it approved And marriage doesn't become imaginary because someone stamped it void.

If the annulment helps someone sleep better at night, sincerely, I hope they rest well.

As for me? I'm going to trust that when I eventually stand before God, He won't ask to see the paperwork.

And if He asks whether it's been approved by the tribunal... well, I guess that's between Him and His HR department.